For the first time in my life I can actually say Im on my own...Im in a new city where I hardly know anybody and for the most part I have to do a lot of stuff on my own that I didn't have to do in the past. That's part of growing up and being an adult, I know. All I can say is this shit is hard. I truely don't know how women with multiple kids can do so much on their own, all power to you ladies.
I really wish that I had more emotional support from the people that I'm close to right now. I mean I'm always there for so many people when they have issues but who's here for me? Who do I call when I just need to vent? Who's shoulder do I cry on when the tears are flowing from my eyes? Who's there for me when I need someone to lay next to me? Who's there for me to help me clear my head? Who's there for me to help me up from this fall? Who's there for me when I need more than money? Who's here to make a little time for me when I need an adult around(I mean I love my daughter but spending every free moment with her is driving me insane. I swear Im gonna turn into a 3 year old)?
Now before ya'll start this depend on yourself shit or put it in God's hands keep it. I dont want to hear it. I'm here for me but sometimes I'm not enough and as far as God goes as much as I've asked for I haven't seen anything yet. I need other people. I can do this alone but Im sure my mental state of being will suffer. Im not trying to be a crazy mad woman. Each day I feel myself becoming more bitter and that's not how I want to be.
I believe in my heart that everything will be ok and things will start to move in the direction that I hope them to go in but right now I'm just lost. Im trying to pick myself up but some days it's like why? Im not giving up though because Im a fighter. I just need to practice patience and it'll be ok in time.
